Collaborative Portrait of Harry Pygar

What is queer?

A five letter word, just like label

Reclaimed and ‘brand’ new
14 Scrabble points
A playground daddy slur
Beautiful otherness
Does it really matter?

After many weeks away, it was good to be back and not going shopping. However my lightness of being was soon eclipsed by my turn on the chair facing the lens. I had enjoyed the photo booth but in this re-creation I felt strangely unrehearsed and beaten by the flash gun’s menacing strobe. I was in the headmaster’s office or the inquisitor’s chair. Despite being amongst friends, it was all a bit queer and there was no comfort zone.

The pictures themselves did nothing to make me feel any better. My first reaction was horror at seeing my age writ large by piercing unforgiving digital technology. There appeared to be none of the softness and romance of the photo booth in these images. The thought of seeing my face blown up and pasted on walls also filled me with dread. I found myself considering withdrawing from the project rather than confront the many demons ram raiding my brittle self-esteem. But then like a retreating wave the fear subsided as she emerged before me.  I could see my mother’s features woven into my own, the line of her chin; the grey warmth of her eyes. Mesmerised I revisited each picture in turn, greedy to see more of her. Tears welled in my eyes as I channelled the ever present sense of loss with a joy at seeing her alive in me. She died proud of me, another five letter word.

Shopping list

White
Average
Short
Husky
Queer
54

24 hours ... by Harry

Taking part in Not Going Shopping has been like climbing a step ladder and seeing the patterns of your carpet with new light streaming through the windows. My perspectives on queer have been rewoven with new and stimulating thread and a revitalised coat of many colours now hangs in my closet. Wonderful people have made my mind tumble and twirl with the added bonus of many preconceptions and labels being left at the door. I am queer, I really am here and on this occasion I am not going shopping.

I left the last session feeling inspired by the quality of work and some of the photos here are my homage to the honesty, beauty and brilliance I saw displayed.

My life is threaded by an ever changing musical landscape and one of my current obsessions is the Scott Walker infused yelp of Daughn Gibson. He sounds as good as he looks and last night I had the delight of being up close but not quite as a personal as my fantasies would like.

When I returned home energised and still buzzing I logged on to one of the many dubious sites I use to see what was cooking in the Brighton & Hove kitchen. My approach is to send out lots of lines in the hope of hooking something good enough to eat. It's rare that these late night rummages lead to anything but tonight a young gentleman I've been chatting to for months suddenly seemed keen so I sped into town. He was reluctant to have photos taken but I managed to get these. I know it's depraved but I particularly like the semen still glistening on his belly. Hell awaits...

Monday dawned bright and sunny and filled with the vigour of my recent liaison I headed to London for the day. These were taken on my walk to the station.

The Pompeii exhibition exceeded my expectations and I was deeply moved by it. No photos allowed sadly but I never tire of the beauty of the Sir Norman Foster designed Great Court. If only all buildings could be so well conceived.

The train journey home was relaxing and I took the time to catch up on some reading. I took this picture of the reversed reflection as I boarded.

I took a different route back to my car when I left the station and came across more stickers, street art and a stunning passion flower in full bloom.

I use the car to listen to new records and at the moment 'Immunity' by Jon Hopkins is on high rotation. Sometimes and often unexpectedly music will hard wire into me and produce a euphoric or strong emotional response. On the journey home 'Abandon Window' had the hairs standing on my arms and tears pouring from my eyes. I felt my mother strongly and the music exactly tracked the pain that can surface like a river of sorrow. When I reached my drive, I took these portraits.

You can listen to the piece here if you choose to -

https://youtube.googleapis.com/v/sc1IkYwKCtM%26source=uds%26autoplay=1

My home is my sanctuary and tonight the most beautiful of sunsets once again danced over my haven of peace.

Savour the light,
the shapes she draws.
Painted prism textures,
and a 1,000 blessings.

Jai Guru Deva OM