Live... by Edward

After all the weeks of work we put into creating our portraits, it was pretty exciting to finally see them, in all their giantness, up on the walls around brighton.

 

I was kinda surprised that when I found my poster I actually felt very self conscious. There are perhaps levels of being out.

 

Being out as trans to your friends and families is one thing, being out as T in a room of LGBT people who assume you're G is another thing. Having your face on the wall facing the seafront, identifying yourself as queer - thats a whole new world of out.

Taking part in the project was sometimes difficult for me, but only because I was unsure of how I fit the word 'queer' into my life, and how to find images that showed that. I didn't find the idea of being out as queer difficult, until I was on the side of a building.

Not that I regret doing it. I am just extremely lucky, that I have not faced intimidation on a regular basis because of my identity. I came out at my own pace, in my own time. I am unused to feeling exposed.

Portraits, part 1 ... by Edward

 I almost broke the camera, but only for a second. Being the tallest, Matt ended up holding the light thingy (flashgun maybe?) for most of the day, though the rest of us managed standing on a chair quite well.

 

 

And of course we were entertained throughout by Orlando The Dog, who posed magnificently, even if I did end up with quite a few nose shots.

Making The Cut ... by Edward

Photos have been taken, cropped, edited and printed and now laid out across the table we've been making the cull: keeping our favourites and ruthlessly removing anything not up to scratch.

It was a tricky process of first finding themes and connections between eleven different people's photos, all very different in style, all coming at the queer in brighton project from different angles, and then selecting from these the ones that worked best, the ones we loved.

There was, of course, quite a bit of disagreement. Some photos were removed and returned to the keeping this pile a few times before the end of the day. And it was tricky partly because we don't know yet what the photos are going to sit beside, what the text will be, how the page will be laid out, even what size they will appear in the book. But we picked from instinct. What grabbed us, what said something.

Fone Foto Mosaicing... by Luc

One of the pleasures for me of smart phone/ mobile photography is being able to capture screenshots from my phone's image gallery.


Sometimes the screenshot cropped thumbnails in combination form an interesting and sometimes (to me) successful "foto mosaic" image in its own right: by its interplay &/or repetition of colour and light, of lines, angles and shapes...


I capture screenshots variously: from the camera's DCIM folder of sequential-but-random shots; from a created folder for a theme of images - such as flora&architecture; from a single day's photo-journalling shoot; etc.





Here are some less-than-the-full-21-shots "mosaics" that I've snap-captured during the period of our not-going-shopping workshops (July - October).

The Good, the Bad, & the Ugly – By JB

As a queer person (and even more so a Trans person) coming out is a very personal affair. However, coming out to people often means that a kind of queer ambassadorship is thrust upon you, whether you like it or not.

To the straight people drunkenly asking how you have sex in the nightclub smoking area, or the confused elderly lady on the bus you inadvertently blurted to, you are now the spokesperson for your entire community. The pressure is on.

Much like a Briton abroad - stuck cringing amongst a rowdy flock of topless, sunburnt, lager filled aggressors, hoping that the poor Spaniards subjected to the unsightly crowd won’t judge all 63.23 million of us - LGBT people come in all shapes, sizes, colours, and levels of agreeability.

It’s unsettling when you meet an LGBT person with disagreeable views and opinions, because you imagine all of the people who have met them and made a judgement about the entire community based on their utterings.

It’s not the job of the LGBT community to be perfect all the time, it’s the job of everybody else to humanise us more, and in doing so – see us as individuals.

When I began taking photos for this project I was going through a period of great personal change and reflection, and I found that as I did this my photos moved away from the scenes of the city and it’s vibrant and diverse queer community, to close ups of myself and my loved ones, pieces of great self-expression and vulnerability.

I felt the pressure release as I abandoned the idea of trying to represent a group of people I couldn’t hope to capture, even with the best camera on earth. I began to represent myself, and did so with much more success. While these pieces speak a lot about me and my experiences of being queer - experiences I share in common with many of my friends - not all queer art is ambassadorship, and it should not be treated as such.

Generalisations based on what we say, what we do, and even what we create are not helpful, and can be dehumanising. While art often brings us together on common ground, one thing I am most proud of the queer community for is its ability to celebrate difference. I want people to look at our photos – together and individually – as a cross section of the community. The good, the bad, and the ugly reside here; and we are just like you, in that we are not the same at all.

Handing in the camera ... by Matt

I posted this on the Facebook page on Tuesday, 22 October 2013.

Matt Robinson

On the bus, running late, returning the loan camera.

I've had fun with the project. It was a good creative outlet at a time in my life where everything else seemed to be chaotic.

I could be glib and suggest that being queer in Brighton is like being anything else in Brighton: I am subject to the same trials and tribulations as my 'straight' friends, family and colleagues. But that's too easy!

I am here, I am queer, I've been shopping (though I hate it!), I continue to love and work and despair and cry with happiness. I love Brighton. I am in love with its offbeat perspective on life.
Where else can I cycle to work, a mundane activity that is slowly giving me killer legs, and pass a drunken man cycling the other way as he plays a trombone? ( this happened - and I couldn't capture it on camera! Aargh! )

I don't need a flag, but I did when I was 16 and I had just come out. I remember walking into Virgin and buying some terrible soft-core porn, thinking that was the sum of my life. I grew up confident in my queerness even though I wasn't confident at all in any other area of my life.

I looked to my parents, who are now approaching 45 years of marriage, and thought that's what I had to do to be successful - only my marital bliss would be with a man that I loved.

It didn't ( and may never ) work out like that. I'm still sad over the ending of my relationship with Andrew. I have days where I immerse myself in the break-up music - Del Amitri and Kirsty Macoll are excellent exponents of this genre - And days where I embrace the awesomeness that is my life right now.

I had a poignant experience yesterday, sitting in the waiting room of the Claude Nicol, waiting for my six month sexual health check-up. I picked up a copy of Latest7 and read my ex's columns. It was poignant because I still had a connection to him. He mentioned me fleetingly at the end of a piece about a restaurant. Not by name but by a seemingly innocuous encounter over a whole dressed crab. Andrew could never confront me about anything but thought nothing of doing it in print. I was genuinely touched. Queer World, innit?

• 
  

Photos Postering Space Search ... by Luc

One of the outcomes planned for Not Going Shopping is to display posters on public walls around Brighton & Hove.

Over coffees and teas at Cafe Delice in the North Laine, the group discussed how this would look and how the participants would go about locating some postering spaces. The general agreement was that the images would be displayed in non-central, non-tourist spaces about the city; places that were not necessarily associated with any queer culture or lifestyle or venues.

I suggested that we take on chosen areas of the city to peruse and locate suitable walls. These would be photographed by the participant - and located on Google maps - in order for folk at QinB partners, Photoworks to liaise with the relevant Council admin person re the logistics and permission for postering in the chosen locations.

My chosen area was Tarner - because I am an allotment gardening volunteer for the Brighton Unemployed Centre and Families Project located in the area; I visit the Centre on a regular basis to use its facilities plus eat lunch there. I also 'spotted' a couple of other poster-able walls: on my journey from Seven Dials home district down toward New England Street - as I volunteer for Mind in their office on that street; in the London Road area, an above-eye-level wall space viewed through a busy surgery's stairwell window... 

A photo video ('assembled' in iMovie) charts my wall space search in these areas:

What Not Going Shopping means to me ... by Sarah

When I contacted Anthony to take part in this project, I just knew how much I love photography and how I missed the workshops I did at the Evolutions Art Centre ages ago. I write daily, sometimes for love & art and sometimes for money, so I already had a creative computer-based practice. It was amazing to leave that behind a little and start working offline more and even though I am glad that we`ll have more sessions than planned, there are already a few really good things that I know I will take away from this:

Being queer can be challenging and even heart-breaking, but its also a chance to develop a unique way of looking at the world creatively. I love being part of this community and I really, really value its creative potential and diversity.

Taking self-portraits has been a revealing journey for me. Like many queers, I have always had a rather complicated relationship with my body and don`t like having my picture taken. Constructing images that show me and reflect a part of me without displaying my face or my body in a way that puts my appearance up for debate (I chose to wear a wide black dress in all my pictures) has been empowering for me. I might have always been critical about the way women are portrait in popular media, but I never had a chance to think so much about the way all elements of a picture are there for a reason. Being alone with my camera and tripod has really sharpened my senses for these issues and I am currently writing about self-portraits as feminist practice for my blog themindfulvoyage.com.

I am really glad that Anthony encouraged us to explore our artistic freedom so much. I never felt that I was supposed to produce pictures of happy clappy queers dancing in the sunset at Brighton beach. Learning from the others in the group has been an amazing influence on my work. Not just because the creative approaches have been great, but also because I gained insight into lives and perspectives I wouldn’t have touched in my everyday life.

Finally I think this project has brought a lot of discussion about the healing elements of a creative practice and its influence on our identity into my life. Even though I have always written and had work of mine published for the first time more a decade ago, it took me a really long time to claim the word “writer” for myself, especially now that I am living in a culture that operates in a language that isn`t my own. Its the same with being an artist – for anyone else I feel that as long as someone is creating art, they are an artist. Maybe that`s true for all of us, including me. I have written down “artist” among other things in a “what are you doing with your life?”-box for the first time ever.

Pledging Support ... by Matt

I am getting to grips with this camera malarkey now. I have also realised that we only have one official session left. It's not panicking me, as such, rather I will miss the opportunity to take photos of just about everything. And men in their bedrooms, of course.

Somehow I have broadened my horizons by taking pictures of my own life. I suppose I rarely take the time to reflect on what's happening right now: I tend to live it and forget about a lot of it. Since embarking on the Queer In Brighton project I have noticed a subtle change in the way that I view the World around me: I certainly take notice of things more, now. I still miss opportunities to take pictures of those new things that have been there a long time before I was born but I'm looking.

The project has also helped me come to terms with being unapologetic for who I am. I've stated before that being queer has not been a negative experience for me, in fact quite the opposite. But I've always been sensitive to the plight of others and meeting several people who identify, in one way or another, as trans has confirmed that it's okay to be an unapologetic gay man: It's just another label, after all. I have so many freedoms to enjoy thanks to my queer ancestors in the UK and Europe and to a limited extent, the US. They didn't have a smooth ride so that I could sail on to greater things.

And now the focus, for me anyway, turns towards gender identity: Is it the next frontier of human rights? Do we need the same kinds of protests as happened with Stonewall, that are happening across the globe with issues not related to sex or sexuality? I think we do and I think I can be part of that foundation of people who don't have to be trans to be angry and concerned and compassionate about issues that affect trans people.

This all sounds very grandiose as I re-read it and I've been guilty of pledging an allegiance and purpose to a cause before and then finding myself without the time to devote to it or the funds to travel to the places that I need to be in order to help.

So, if there's anything this gay man can do to support the 'trans community' then count me in. I'm a good problem-solver and administrator so if an organisation needs that then, for example, I could devote some of my spare time to helping in that area.

And all the while I'll be taking pictures of random men in the street who catch my eye. And listening to music as I stomp to work in the morning and again on the way home. And cooking, cleaning, ironing, going out on the razzle, dancing, walking, smoking (hopefully not forever), eating and having a life like every other free person on the planet.

When I answered the call to the project I did so because it was doing something new and a bit frightening. Pledging my support in whatever capacity that turns out to be in is also bloody frightening.

Bring it.

Some notes on the third workshop ... by Sarah

We were a smaller group for our third session and had been asked to bring pictures that relate to our (queer) family this time. It was really great to see things come together and to discuss the variety of things people came up with. I felt like we had stretched ourselves more this time and it was amazing how differently the members had interpreted the theme. I especially like being introduced to bike-sexuality! Taking our self-portrait in the photo booth once more was a nice way to get out and experiment in a more playful way after trying quiet hard on some photos I made that week.

I took pictures of my friends JB and Lucy to try and portrait a queer couple in an authentic way that reflects Brighton and the way they are together and some pictures of myself in black & white to bring in this week. I was happy with the couple`s pictures, but found the process of doing self-portraits rather frustrating. Being introduced to Francesca Woods meant so much to me though - I´ve become obsessed with her and really want to challenge myself to try and touch on some of her ideas about gender and the self. Going through so many pictures that had gone wrong in preparation for the session had killed my creative enthusiasm a little, but I really want to go beyond that, to untangle how this is related to feminism and negative body images and to understand how being on both sides of the lens can be very empowering. I guess this session really brought home to me how "breaking into" a new creative practice is much easier and more rewarding in a group setting - so thank you guys.

Third week already! ... by Edward

Bursting with ideas this week. Not all of them good. Some of them too big of course! How many costumes am I planning on buying for this project? How much new camera equipment? Stop that, I don’t need that. Must remember to keep it simple.

I have started to think about themes of identity and self and representation. Kinda big themes but also nice and open. I’ve got lots of room to explore those things. Lots of ideas, so I reckon I'll just see how they pan out. Take the photos and come back to them later and see what I’ve got. Take them all along to the group and see what the others make of them. It is very easy to edit your ideas in your head until you end up with nothing left.

This week’s theme: family. In our first session we all talked about "friends as family" in the queer community. So I'm thinking about that, and thinking about my own family too.
Who do I call "my family"?
And why?

Plans plans plans after workshop one ... by Ed

I had this plan, after our first meet up, that I would take a hundred thousand photos, every detail of my life would be captured. This has not worked out. And I was having some doubts that I even understood what it was to be queer in Brighton. Queer isn’t a word I have used much to describe myself, although I understood that as a trans man, the broader, open meaning of queer covered my experience.

I didn’t know where to begin. I started taking photos of myself, at random, throughout the day. I let my left arm become detached and roam free, taking photos of myself when I wasn’t expecting it. Let’s just take photos. Let’s just see what comes up. So I took photos of myself, my house, my books, my notes.

Of course, pride is an obvious photo opportunity. Hundreds of things you can photograph at pride. It had been Trans Pride just the week before and I had been running around so much, like an idiot I forgot to take photos. At LGBT pride I didn’t want to take photos of the people in drag and glitter, the half naked men, the floats covered in rainbow balloons and rainbow flags. Brightness and colour and drama is easy to find at pride, but wasn’t my pride experience. So I tried to photograph what pride was for me, our stall, the literature tent, my friends sitting on the grass.